Category Archives: God

New Year, New Plan!

New Year, New Plan!

Let me start off by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I am sorry that I have not been around lately! My website actually got hacked for a while and it took my husband a bit to get it fixed. Apparently it was a pretty bad one. This seems like a silly site to even want to hack, but what do I know. Lol.

Here’s the thing. I know I have done horribly these past few months. Absolutely. I want to puke when I think about how I feel and how much weight I have gained. But rehashing those things and how disappointed I am in myself is not going to do any good. It will just make me depressed, which is something that I am prone to during the winter anyway. I definitely do not need to add to it. So, I am moving on. New year, new plan! I am going to be setting monthly goals, and maybe a couple of “end-of-the-year” goals too.

As far as exercise and eating go, I am keeping it pretty simple for now. I am drinking my water, tracking my calories, and moving my body. My shoulder has been doing a lot better the last few weeks and even survived me painting my bedroom and lifting a very heavy headboard. But I can still tell that it definitely needs to be a bit babied when it comes to certain things. So, I am going to take it “easy” with my workouts. I am going to alternate days between a Leslie Sansone walking DVD (or something else like that, as my DVD is currently MIA) and HipHopAbs. I am also going to throw in some other ab workouts and light weights here and there, to really get myself back in the groove. I am excited to see what this new month brings! I am ready to be focused again!

I also need to refocus in some other areas of my life. As a family, we need to find a church we’re comfortable at. And I need to get a better grip on handling a very opinionated three-year-old. With that being said, here are the goals I have figured out thus far.

January Goals

  • Stick with my exercise plan. I am not making it too hard on myself, as I really am restarting from ground zero. So I know that it is something I can do. I just need to actually DO IT.
  • Lose five pounds. Yes, I know that weight is not everything. Yes, I know that there are other tools to use to judge your health. But, honestly, I need to lose the weight. I am way up, I feel horrible, I have no energy, and I have an extremely poor body image right now. So yeah, I think it is ok to say I want to lose five pounds this month.
  • Track my calories, even if I end up going over some days. I still need to be accountable to myself.
  • Read my Bible. Just start with five minutes a day. It is way better than nothing! And I want to start incorporating a Bible reading time daily into my Zeeva time too.
  • Attend church every Sunday, weather permitting. If we try one and do not like it, then we will try another.
  • Sew our new curtains for our bedroom. Woohoo for a bedroom makeover!
  • Finish fixing up my new (old) nightstand. This involves fixing a broken piece, staining it, and finding some new knobs that we like for it. It is going to be awesome when it’s done and will look great in our new bedroom!
  • Figure out what I want my new weightloss goals to be. And a reward system.
  • Eat a lot of our meals from food we already have stored up.

  • Year Goals

  • Reach my weightloss goals.
  • Stick with it! Do not give up like I did in 2013.
  • Run another 5k. That was my best moment of 2013.
  • Vacation! Even if it is not far from here.
  • Finish SIX paintings! I did three last year, so I think I can do it!
  • Feel comfortable in my own skin. I am just about as far away from that as possible right now, and I hate feeling like this.
  • can some jelly. Lol… I know, this does not sound very exciting. But it is something that intrigues me and yet makes me very nervous. So it will push me out of my comfort zone for sure!
  • That is what I have for now. I may add to this list or change some things around. And I do not have a single problem with changing my goals as the year evolves. It is my life, after all. Sometimes things come along that make you adjust your thoughts.

    Do you have any goals you would like to share? Or any goals that you reached last year that you are particularly proud of?

    Back to Basics!

    Back to Basics!

    This post is way overdue but I have been feeling super overwhelmed lately, so I just kept putting it off. I have really been struggling lately. There are a lot of factors involved in this, but I just really have not been doing good for months now. So things are changing. I am going back to basics!

    I am not weighing myself for now… And I possibly will not step on the scale until the new year.

    I will drink at least 96 ounces of water a day.

    I will exercise. My plan is to lift weights three times a week, plus do a walk (and/or run) at least every other day. If I can do a walk every day, even better.

    I will eat around 2100 calories. Yep, you read that right. It may seem insanely high to some of you, but it is a decision that is definitely supported by recent research and evidence that I have seen from other people. Let me know if you would like more info. :o)

    I will read a daily devotional. I am currently re-reading Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst. It is a book that I read nearly two years ago, at the very beginning of my weight-loss journey. When reading it a few days ago, I realized that I have never fully given my journey over to God. Honestly, I do not think that I ever really thought He would care enough about it to want to be in charge. But I feel differently now. My journey is now about so much more than just losing weight and getting toned. It is about being faithful to God and taking care of the body that He gave me and allowing Him to use my journey to bring Him glory. I do not currently spend nearly enough time with Him, so I decided that a devotional was a great place to start. It is a 60-day one that actually goes along with the book… And it comes in the mail TODAY, so I am excited to get started!

    Sweets… I have gone back and forth on this one a bit. Right now, my plan is to not eat any sweets for at least a month, and possibly until October. But I may change that based on how I feel and what I think God’s telling me. We shall see. Right now, I actually think I may be feeling like changing it because my body is trying to toss some cravings my way. So I need to stay strong!

    I am now on day three of all of these changes and everything is going great… I am excited to see the changes my new plan brings about, both outside and inside!

    Awesome August!

    Awesome August!

    After a not-so-great last couple of weeks, I have decided that I am going back to basics for the month of August. I asked my challenge group some questions that I am now going to answer for myself…

    1. I want you to really think about this one… WHY do you want to lose weight? Is it to get some better test results from your doctor? To keep up with your kiddos? Or are you maybe not even trying to lose weight but are just on a path to a healthier lifestyle? Whatever your reason, I want to you post it on here. If you have three reasons, post all three!
    I want to feel better about myself… I haven’t been doing too great lately and I really want to kick the “old me” in the butt for trying to creep back in! I am feeling lazy and exhausted and honestly, fat… I need to break through this junk that’s tying me down!

    2. What are your goals this month? Do you want to get more definition in your arms? Lose an inch from your waist? Lose ten pounds? (I would not recommend that, by the way!) Go ahead and post your goals too!
    I want to lose inches everywhere… But especially from my waist. If I could lose 1-2″ from there this month, I would be ecstatic! And I want my clothes to fit better and stop feeling insanely tight! I would be extremely happy with losing 5 pounds, but am more focused on the other things.

    3. Tell us what your workouts are going to look like for this month! In fact, I would highly recommend writing them out on a calendar because it really helps to remind you of what you have committed to doing.
    My original plan was to do TurboFire, but I can’t do that until I can afford new workout shoes. So I am going back to ChaLEAN Extreme. I’m also doing the Ab challenge and will be walking or running every day. Yep, it’s going to be a HUGE month!

    4. I want everyone to take pictures and measurements within the next couple of days. I think it is so easy at times to get completely wrapped up in what the scale is saying when, in fact, our bodies can change so much when the scale is not budging an ounce.
    I took my measurements and weighed myself yesterday morning… Pictures will probably have to wait until tomorrow. It was hard to do it, but I had to hold myself accountable. I’ve done a LOT of damage in the past month. I now weigh 170.4, which is a number I haven’t seen in over a year. It actually makes me sick to my stomach. Yep, I am kicking my butt this month!

    5. Ab challenge! I’d love it if everyone would participate in the Ab challenge I am going to be posting, but I understand if you’re unable to or not interested. Just please let me know if you’re joining in!
    I am obviously IN for the Ab challenge!

    6. Mini challenges! I have decided that we should have some mini challenges, which will just last for a week! Week 1, August 1-7 — Drink your water!! Take your weight (in pounds) and divide it in half… That is your new goal for the minimum number of ounces you should be drinking. Try to check in daily to let us know how you’re doing on this!
    Technically, I should be drinking 85 ounces a day. But I am shooting for 96… It’s easier for me to track with my water bottle!

    7. Set up a reward for yourself. This one is important, in my opinion. When I first started out on my journey, I set up about 20 mini-goals for myself and, when I would reach one, I would reward myself. It was usually something small that I don’t normally treat myself to, like nail polish or makeup. I recently realized that, because I started building major muscle and stopped losing much weight, I haven’t rewarded myself for a YEAR. That is entirely TOO LONG. So I will be rewarding myself at the end of this month for sticking with my plans. I really encourage you all to do this too. And post in here what your reward will be, so we can keep reminding you!
    My reward… Since I have set up such a huge month for myself with how many minutes and miles I’ll be doing, I’ve decided that I deserve a bigger reward. I’ve said for a while now that I wanted to get a new tattoo at the “end” of my weight-loss journey. Well, I’m not as sure about that now, but I definitely want to do a test-run with a henna tattoo. So that is what my reward will be… A henna tattoo, designed by me!

    So that is that! In addition to these things, I am also doing a study of the book “Made to Crave” by Lysa Ter with some ladies from my church. I read this book when I first started my weight-loss journey and it helped me immensely at that point. I really need it now!

    I am soooo ready for this month to be AWESOME!!

    My “Big News” Post…

    My “Big News” Post…

    I have really been struggling lately, watching my weight go up and down, up and down, always over the same three to five pounds. And thinking that I will have huge amounts of inches lost, only to be disappointed at my monthly measurements. Even though I can see some changes happening in my pictures, my clothes do not feel any different and all of my measurements do not reflect these changes. So I have really been feeling discouraged. Couple this with the general stress of raising a two-year-old and a few other life things, and I really have had a bad few days of eating. Confession… I have probably consumed more chocolate in the past week than I had in the almost three months since Christmas combined! Not good. Not good at all!

    So I have been mulling over an idea in my head. I really need to learn how to focus less on the scale and my measurements and more on how I feel… How I feel inside, and outside, and learning to really love myself and ignore the numbers. I have come up with a challenge for myself. I am calling it the Spring Forward Challenge because it will take place through ALL of Spring and will be a time of me focusing on leaping forward in many areas of my life. I am sick of being stuck in a rut. I am sick of feeling down. I am sick of not focusing on the awesome things in life. And that is how the Spring Forward Challenge began.

    Jessii’s Spring Forward Challenge

  • Complete the official Hybrid of Turbo Fire and ChaLEAN Extreme. **this is actually a 120 day program, so I will not finish this until August 4th.
  • No weighing myself until AT LEAST June 21, the first day of summer. **I am probably still going to weigh myself weekly but not look at it. Thomas will record it for me so I can see my results at the end. I also may not weigh myself until the end of the 120 day exercise program.
  • No measuring myself until the first day of summer, with the same stipulations as weighing myself.
  • No soda.
  • Pictures every four weeks, which I will post on here to stay accountable with my progress.
  • Couch to 5k program with my husband
  • Drink at least four bottles of water a day, which is 96 ounces.
  • Eat as well as possible, with as little processed food as my budget will allow.
  • Make wise choices about sweets and determine if it is really worth it.
  • Eat out once a month, at the most.
  • Stick to a grocery budget.
  • Spend real time with God every day — prayer, praise and worship, Bible reading, devotional — whatever I feel led to do during my time with Him. I just need to actually make the time.
  • Church every Sunday.
  • Figure out how to make a budget for an income that fluctuates a bit.
  • Take Zeeva to Toddler Story Time at the library every Tuesday morning that they meet, as long as we are healthy.
  • Mommy and Me Group with Zeeva twice a month, even if I am tired.
  • Less time in front of the television.
  • Be more intentional in my marriage.
  • Do fun activities with Zeeva more.
  • Take daily walks as a family outside whenever possible.
  • Finish two paintings.
  • Sew at least one thing, using some of the fabric that I already have stored up.


  • There you have it… My list so far. Some of the items are very specific, while others are less specific because I honestly do not know what they will end up looking like. I just know that these are all areas that I need to be working on. These are all things that will help me better myself and be happier in life. And I am sure that I will end up finding other things to add to the list as I think more about it and delve deeper into this.

    A Zeeva Update…

    A Zeeva Update…

    For those of you who are regular followers of my blog and/or Facebook page, you know that the last few weeks have been pretty rough with Zeeva. I was getting ready to start doing potty training with her a few weeks ago, when she decided to start trying to climb out of her crib. So we were forced to switch her to her toddler bed, putting potty training on hold (because there was no way in the world that I was crazy enough to try two such huge changes at the same time!). The first two weeks, or so, were HARD, to say the least. Waking up a ton of times at night, waking up for the day extremely early in the morning, having to sleep with Zeeva while curled up in her rocking chair out of desperation, feeling EXHAUSTED constantly… I seriously felt like I had a newborn again. Actually, it was worse than a newborn. Because she was trying to tell us what was wrong, but did not have the words to get through to us. Needless to say, all of this really wore me down… Completely. I have been more grouchy, and way less energetic, and have had next to no patience. I HATE that and I hate having to admit it, but I honestly have not felt like a very good mommy for the past couple of weeks. And, on top of all of that, Zeeva was also very grouchy from all the interrupted sleep.

    Fast forward to yesterday… Yesterday, I felt like crying most of the day. It was a pretty crappy day in the world of Zeeva and I. There was no one incident to pinpoint. It was just the accumulated exhaustion and frustration of the past couple of weeks. It wore me down completely. Thankfully, we were able to end the day on a high note… We had some fun family time after dinner playing our brand new Just Dance 3 game, and then we had fun making Zeeva giggle for the few minutes she had left until bedtime. And she went to bed easily and slept GREAT!

    I went to bed last night determined to make today a better day than yesterday was… And, honestly, that was not a very hard bar to meet. Lol! Zeeva woke up early this morning, which I thought was going to be an indicator of how the whole day was going to go. But, I am happy to report that we have had a great day so far! She actually ate breakfast (just a banana, but that is more than she has been eating lately!) and I was able to keep my cool when she requested eggs and then refused to eat them when I made them for her. Then we went to the grocery store to get a few items and had a fun time there… Zeeva had a blast “beep, beeping”, coloring on her cousin’s birthday card that we were mailing, and seeing the fish (TWICE!). She was a little piggy in the car and when we got home, gobbling up two snacks AND wanting part of mine! (By the way, I have a newfound love for plain rice cakes with a tiny bit of peanut butter… So yummy and satisfying!) Then I worked out and she was content playing with a chair until the last ten or so minutes when she started getting tired and hungry again. So we ate lunch after I was done, while we watched one of the Tinker Bell movies (Zeeva LOVES Tinker Bell right now… She even spins in circles saying “I can fly!”). We had a few minutes to kill between lunch and nap, so we danced and Zeeva ran in circles around me and I caught her and tickled her over and over and over (which is a good arm workout!). We had a grand old time, filled with lots of giggles! I am going to say that, so far, today has been one of the best days I can remember! And now we are going to take some much needed naps! Lol!

    Thank you all for your prayers and happy thoughts…. I truly appreciate it and definitely know that God was listening!

    The Thirty-One List…

    The Thirty-One List…

    Ugh. I have had a bad couple of weeks. I shockingly did manage to lose half a pound since September twelfth… But I am still up about a pound since September first. I guess that is really not that bad, but it is still a bit of a bummer.

    Yep, I have been bad. Being sick so much this month has really thrown me off. I am ready to be healthy again!! So, I am taking over starting today. I am eating better and I am going to start my exercise program over again. I still have a bit of a cough, but I am more than willing to take breaks when I need to. I just need to reset. I feel like I have been eating everything in sight the past week or so! I feel like I have no control over myself at all. I need to get that control back.

    In light of all of this, I have decided to set some new goals for myself. I have been thinking about doing this for a while now, but I really do need to do it now. I think it will help me refocus. I know I have all of my mini weight-loss goals, but I think that it has been hard for me to focus on those things because it has been so long since I set them.

    I actually think that I am going to make a “things to do before my 31st birthday” list. I have been wanting to do that and I have several weight-loss goals I want on it, so this will be a great combo list! It also has some very random items on it… Shocking, I know! Here goes!

    Things To Do Before My 31st Birthday!

      Refinish my nightstand
      Hang at least three things on the wall
      Finish my headboard!
      See fall leaves
      Go to an apple orchard with Zeeva
      Complete another round of ChaLEAN Extreme
      Get a new hair cut (as my reward for finishing my first 30 days of ChaLEAN Extreme)
      Make an article of clothing for myself
      Reach my final weight-loss goal
      Make some Christmas presents
      Finish three paintings
      Have a shopping day with my mom and sister
      Decorate for Christmas!
      Throw Zeeva an awesome second birthday party
      Get a massage
      Play in the snow with Zeeva
      Watch all six Star Wars movies     :o)
      See awesome Christmas lights
      Introduce Zeeva to hot chocolate
      Make applesauce
      Make a box tunnel for Zeeva
      Bonfire
      Play with Play Doh with Zeeva
      Have Zeeva make a handprint ornament
      Organize favorite recipes, finally!
      Get together with friends!
      Have a kid-free weekend
      Trim plants for winter
      Bake homemade pretzels
      Wear a cute outfit with tights (eek!)
      Have a spa night at home
      Decorate cookies with Zeeva 
      Start a new tradition of reading The Night Before Christmas
      Watch White Christmas
      Fit into single-digit-sized pants!
      Spend a winter day relaxing with Thomas
      Take family photos… Twice!
      Have a daily devotional plan that I stick with

    So there you have it… I may end up adding items to the list in the future, but that is it for now! I guess I better get cracking on these things… I have more than one item to do a week!  

    Give Thanks…

    Give Thanks…

    Ok… I am feeling very frustrated right now because of some things Zeeva did during lunch (like,once again, chucking her cup to the ground and actually splitting it open and getting milk everywhere! No, I did it cry over spilled milk but I felt like it!). So I am doing a post about a few things I am thankful for today to help get me back in a good mood.

    1. I am thankful that I am incredibly sore today because it means that I had an awesome workout last night.

    2. I am thankful that Zeeva went back to sleep this morning! She tried to get up for the day at 5:30… More than three hours early! Thankfully, after an hour of whining and a dose of Orajel, she went back to sleep until her normal wakeup time. That is the first time in a week that she has let me sleep in the morning!

    3. I am thankful that Thomas is feeling better, after having a rough morning. I do not like it when he is sick!

    4. I am thankful that Zeeva let me finish all of the dishes that I planned on doing during lunch today. I am also thankful for those dirty dishes because it means that we have plenty of food to eat.

    5. I am thankful that God helped me stay on track with eating and exercising yesterday!

    6. I am thankful that today is a rest day from ChaLEAN Extreme! Lol!

    7. I am thankful that it is a BEAUTIFUL day out today! I fully plan on taking a family walk tonight.

    8. I am thankful that Thomas ran to the grocery store so I did not have to do it!

    9. I am thankful that it is now nap time and Zeeva is sleeping peacefully… And I get to take a nap too!  ;o)

    And on that note, I am going to go take a nap! I had a hard time sleeping last night, which made it even better when Zeeva finally went back to sleep this morning. I hope you all can find something to be thankful for today!

    My One-Year Anniversary!!!

    My One-Year Anniversary!!!

    Now on to the second reason today is a big day for me (if you have not read the first reason yet, please start of with that post). Today is my one-year anniversary of officially starting my weight-loss journey! It has been a CRAZY year… Full of ups and downs. I actually recently read back through a lot of my blog posts, just to remind myself of the things I have conquered this year. All I can say is, I am so incredibly glad that I listened to the nudge that God was giving me last August. My life has changed so much, way more than I would have ever thought possible in just a year. I have conquered my health problems and am no longer afraid of them because I am doing something to help myself. I am much happier now, both with myself and with the things around me. I actually LIKE exercising, which I would have never thought possible.

    So I know that you are all probably wondering about the physical changes that I have gone through over the past year… Don’t worry, I have some stats for you!  Here is how much I have lost from ten different areas that I have been measuring once a month since I started this journey (I only recently started measuring my abductors, so that is not included here).

    neck: 2.5 inches lost!
    upper arm: 2.5 inches lost!
    forearm: 2 inches lost!
    wrist: 0.875 inches lost!
    chest: 4 inches lost!!!
    waist: 7.5 inches lost!!!!
    hips:  9.5 inches lost!!!!
    thigh: 4.75 inches lost!
    calf: 3 inches lost!
    ankle: 1.25 inches lost!

    That is sooo awesome! I have lost 9.5 INCHES from my hips! And 7 from my waist! That is just crazy to me! Even crazier is the 2.5 inches that I lost from my neck! Who would have thought that was even possible?? My grand total of inches lost for the year from just these measurement areas is 37.125!!!! Say what???! And I have lost 58 pounds! Eek! AND I have lost 10.6% of my BMI and moved myself from being in the “severely obese” weight to being in the “overweight” weight range! I cannot even express how exciting all of this is.

    Zeeva was cuddled up on my lap this morning, and I had a little talk with her. I told her that today is Mommy’s anniversary of taking her life back into her hands. I told her that I did it for her, so I would be around for a long, long, long time. And then I tickled her. :o)

    All of the hard work is so worth it.

     

    I really wanted to do a handstand today to commemorate my anniversary… But I was not so great at it! Lol! This is the best one I could do. I had fun trying though!

    A Bit of Hodgepodginess!

    A Bit of Hodgepodginess!

    I have a bunch of things floating through my mind right now, so this is going to be a hodgepodge post! Yea!  ;o)

    1! It is so cool to me how God can just interact with you when you are least expecting it. I think that I mentioned recently that we have not been the best about going to church this year… It seems like something always happens on Sundays, like a work emergency or someone ends up sick. So I am always thankful when we do make it. And yesterday’s service was awesome… Worship really hit home with me in a big way. Well, this morning, I was taking Zeeva to her first play date with a new friend and I have the radio on a Christian radio station that I listen to about 75% of the time that I am in the car. The very first song that came on the radio as we were driving down the road was “One Thing Remains” by Jesus Culture. I have only heard this song once at church and never on the radio, but it hit me like a ton of bricks. It is definitely my new favorite. The lyrics that really got me were “Your love never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on me”. Even now, I have tears in my eyes just writing them. In the car, I was crying as I was belting out the words. It was an amazing interaction with God, out of the blue. It was Him saying that, no matter what, He is there and He LOVES me. Nothing can ever change that. 

    Higher than the mountains that I face
    Stronger than the power of the grave
    constant in the trial and the change

    One thing remains

    Your love never fails
    It never gives up
    It never runs out on me

    Because on and on and on and on it goes
    It overwhelmes and satisfies my soul
    And I’ll never, ever, have to be afraid

    One thing remains

    In death
    In life 
    I’m confident and covered by the Power of Your great love

    My dept is paid 
    There’s nothing that can separate
    My heart from Your great love

    Ok, now let me see if I can even switch gears after that one!

    2! Zeeva had so much fun at her play date this morning! I brought her over to my sister’s friend’s house. She has a daughter who is just about two months older than Zeeva. I do not know why we never thought about it before, but they had a great time playing together. Most of the kids Zeeva gets to see at church are boys, so it was nice to see her playing with another girl. And I think it will help them both get over the shyness that they tend to have around other people. (although Zeeva is starting to grow out of that sometimes) she got so worn out that I had a hard time keeping her awake in the car for the drive home!  I had to bribe her with a snack! I am just glad I had some with me!

    3! Zeeva is going to go to her first ever GYMNASTICS class on Wednesday morning! Woohoo! I think she will have a blast and am hoping that it will teach her some patience (because she will have to wait her turn). She must be gearing up for it though because she did her first ever somersault after lunch today! She did about 20 of them in all. She was sooo proud. It was adorable.

    4! We have had some amazing weather the past few days, and it is supposed to be getting hotter again for the rest of the week. Which I am actually glad about. We have had such a hot summer that our pool has been like bath water on most days. So we have not gotten in it very much, but I am hoping to really get a lot of use out of it this week. Soon enough, it will be time to close it for the season. Which is depressing since it was so stinking expensive to get it opened this year! I think we may try to figure out how to close it ourselves this year, instead of paying a company. It is in-ground, so it is a bit trickier to do. But it would be a LOT cheaper than the other option!

    Well, I think that is all the Hodgepodginess that I have for you all right now! I hope it was not too random for you!  ;o)

    John 14:27…

    John 14:27…

    Some of you, I am know, already know some (or all) of this story, but it has been on my mind a lot so I wanted to share it. On Thursday morning, shortly after getting up for the day, I experienced an extremely bad pain in my lower abdomen. It was a 12 on a scale of 1-10… Yep, that bad. It was actually do bad that I could not even walk from the hallway to our couch, which is only a distance of maybe twenty steps. Needless to say, Thomas and I decided that I should get an appointment with my doctor. They ran a urine test and found some blood in my urine (and also confirmed that I am not pregnant! Lol), so they decided to do a CT Scan, thinking that they would probably find some kidney stones (even though I have never had anything like that before). What they found instead was one large burst cyst on one ovary, which is what caused the intense pain. And another large cyst on my other ovary. I am scheduled for an ultrasound on Monday morning at 10 am to find out more information about this cyst. 

    So many things have been running through my head about all of this. I am exhausted just from the stress and anxiety associated with it. I am scared about what they may find, even though I know cysts are pretty common. After all, I do have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, even though my case of it is somewhat atypical. To my knowledge, I have never had cysts even remotely this size before. So I am wondering if it is maybe related to my Metformin dosage being lowered for almost a month now. That is something I plan to ask my doctor when I speak to her on Monday.

    But with all this, I am finding my anxiety of the unknown mounting. I am trying to not think about it, but it is hard when I have constant cramping in my lower abdomen. I am scared to work out or make any sudden movements, even though I know intellectually the odds of anything like that abusing the other cyst to rupture are probably pretty low, I still cannot help but be fearful of it. I honestly feel like a wimp.

    So tonight I opened my Bible and was just perusing it a bit, not really knowing specifically where I was headed. I found a paper that a friend of mine in college gave me, probably eight or nine years ago. (yes, that makes me feel old to think that I have been out of college for that long!) I do not remember what the circumstances were or why she gave me this paper, but it was obviously important enough for me to want to keep it for all of these years. I was reading the twelve Scriptures that were written on it, thinking that none of them really applied to my situation or brought me a strong sense of comfort, which is what I was really after. Then I came to the last three verses she had written down for me all those years ago:

    “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” – Romans 15:13

    “Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” - 1 Peter 5:7

    “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” - John 14:27

    That was just so amazing to me, to come across those Scriptures. I almost did not read that paper. I almost just kept flipping pages. God is so cool like that. He really does give comfort when you need it most. He is leaving me with peace, peace in knowing that I am in His hands, no matter what is going on in my body.

    Thank You God! And thank you to my friend who gave me those verses so many years ago. You helped touch my life today.