Monthly Archives: June 2013

Yesterday’s Workout…

Yesterday’s Workout…

I am on fire with my workouts! Three days in a row of sticking with them and not giving up at all… Today will be day FOUR.

Yesterday was a 5k training day. However, it was also a very busy, rainy day here. We were out of the house for almost the whole morning. Luckily, Zeeva was hungry early for lunch so she ate and then got in her stroller for our run. Then, as soon as I left the garage, I heard it… Thunder. I had already checked the radar, so I was hoping I would have enough time to get in my full 5k walk/run. My training runs are actually not usually that long but yesterday was my participation day for a virtual 5k that Sara over at Sara – Use It To Lose It puts on monthly. So I was really hoping to get in the full distance.

It was an extra challenging one for sure… We had a dog join us for a while, which made me a bit nervous. She was very friendly though, and went away after a few minutes. And I upped my training level for this run, so I was definitely pushing myself extra hard. The nice part of this run was that it was a bit cooler out, only in the lower 70s, and there was a decent breeze. That always helps.

Then the rain started. Lol. I was all the way on the other end of my neighborhood and probably about 3/4 of the way done with my run when it started. So we were going to get wet whether I finished my distance or not. (Myself way more than Zeeva, who had a lovely canopy on her stroller to hide under) So I decided to just keep up what I was doing. I even ran a few extra distances, once my official “training” portion” was over, just to get home a bit faster. Thankfully, it the really heavy rain decided to wait until after we got home! Actually, I am pretty sure it started within minutes of us getting home.

I am really proud of myself though. I could have gone back at that first distant crack of thunder. I could have turned around as soon as it started sprinkling. I could have called my hubby and asked him to come pick us up. But I kept going on, not letting a little rain keep me from reaching my goals. I am determined to be able to run that 5k in just a few short weeks!

Me, after my run… it’s hard to tell, but I’m very wet. lol. And me with my running partner in crime! :o)

Ps… I rocked today’s workout(s) too! 2.86 miles of walking with my kiddo and TurboFire Sculpt… My body is very happy with me!

Self-Sabotage…

Self-Sabotage…

(This post was written on 6/26, but not posted until 6/27)

Here’s the thing… I am doing horribly right now. I will be completely honest here and say that I am disgusted with myself. I have been bad the past few days, but tonight was the worst I have been in a LONG time. I cannot even begin to guess how many calories I ate, including some that I even scarfed down in secret. Yep. I did that. I am admitting it here and now. It makes me want to cry, just thinking about it. Not to mention how terrible my body feels right now.

And the crazy thing? The whole time, I had this voice in my head screaming at me… “Don’t do this, you’re worth more than this, you are already full, you don’t even want that food!”. Did I listen? Nope. Did I feel guilty the entire time? Yep. But tonight I reached the bottom of the pit that I have been climbing into for a few months now. I have officially reached the point in my food addiction that I have turned so far from where I once was, that I have two choices. I can give in and go back to the person that I once was, go back to all those bad habits, and allow myself to gain back the sixty pounds that I have lost. Or I can stop sabotaging myself, get myself back in gear, and refocus. It is definitely time to refocus!

Tonight, after I finished stuffing my face full of food, I did something I have never done. I redid my monthly workout board, in the middle of the month. Even on bad months, I have never erased it until it was time to set up the next month’s schedule. But I NEEDED to have a new schedule, tonight. So I redid the schedule for the last four days of the month, plus most of July. My focus at this point is the next few weeks, which is how long I have to train for my first ever 5k run. In fact, I did not fill out a single day after the 5k… I need something solid to focus on right now. I thought long and hard tonight and realized that I may have a reason I have been having such a hard time lately. When I first started out on my weight-loss journey, I set so many little goals along the way, plus I had my ultimate “end” goal. I have now lost right around 60 pounds, which is fantastic. But I have been in this stasis area for along a year now, where I still have changes I want made, and I am not happy with where my body is at, but I am not seeing many changes happen. I am also at a point where I need to readdress what I want my “end” goal to be… And I do not think that it can be a number. Would I love to see the 120′s for the first time since I was probably in middle school? Absolutely! But I honestly do not think it is possible for my body, unless I want to lose all the muscle and toning I have worked so hard to achieve. I think the self-sabotage comes into play at this point… I have worked so very hard and am now having to change my original goals, that my insides are trying to fight it. My mind is a messed up place apparently! Lol. I do not even know if this makes any sense at all to anyone but me.

I feel so strongly about this that I actually erased a quote that I have had on my fridge for probably a year now.

“Imagine that day, where you can finally say, “I did it!” When you can say,“I never gave up, I never quit!” Imagine that day when you win that gold medal, or reach your goal weight. Where these moments of pain turn into memories for that goal you wanted to obtain. It might take long to reach that moment, but as soon as you get there you’ll thank your self for the rest of your life.”

The first time I ever read this quote, I got tears in my eyes and that tight feeling in my throat, just thinking about feeling this. I still LOVE this quote. And I still absolutely want to feel this. But it cannot be my focus. My focus needs to be in the here and now. It needs to be on EACH goal that I set for myself, not just the “end” goal. I am going to be setting some new goals this week, ones that are not only weight-related. One of them will for sure be to run my first 5k. And I know that I will feel incredibly proud when I reach that goal, whether it happens tomorrow or next month or next year.

Now that I have completely gone off on a tangent, let me direct you back to me redoing my exercise schedule! Lol. It is pretty simple. Every other day is 5k training. The in between days are toning days. And I will be doing some extra cardio on some of the toning days, plus some yoga on some days. My toning with be the TurboFire Tone and Sculpt workouts. Simple. Easy to stick with. Great results. And I will not be turning back this time.

I am still working on my food goals. I feel like I need to make some changes (other than the obvious ones) and I am still trying to figure out what that looks like. I will let you know as soon as I know! And keep an eye out for my new set of goals!!

Ps… What types of goals would you be setting for yourself if you were in my shoes?

Confessions of a Sugarholic…

Confessions of a Sugarholic…

My name is Jessii. I am thirty-one years old. I have a beautiful two-and-a-half year old daughter named Zeeva. And I am a sugarholic.

Welcome to Confessions of a Sugarholic! Lol. All kidding aside, I really do have a problem. I have been out of control recently when it comes to sweets. And it has started leaking into my other food choices too. After finding myself eating yet another dessert tonight that I, yet again, knew was way too much for me, I have come to a decision. I am going sweet-free for at least the next month.

When I first started my weight-loss journey back on September 1, 2011, I was coming off of a bad bought with sweet binging. I knew I had to do something drastic to break myself of that habit. So, I started reading the book Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst and promised myself that I was going to go the entire month without any sweets. I did it then, and found it to be not nearly as hard as I thought it would be… Because I put my trust in God. I am doing that again. I have not been leaning on Him in the good and bad times like I need to be, and I have been relying on my own self with everything weight-loss related. That ends today. I am trusting in Him to take away my cravings, to help me stay motivated and energized, to run my 5k, and to stay injury-free.

So, what do I mean when I say I am having a sweet-free month? Here is what it is going to look like:

    June 13th through July 12th
    I will reread Made to Crave. I actually started reading it again a couple of months ago, but only got a few chapters into it. This time, I will be finishing it and I will be taking notes along to way, to keep as reminders and to share with you all. :o)
    No sweets… This includes anything dessert-like, soda, candy, popsicles (even though my daughter has been “forcing” me to eat them), iced tea, sweet breads (we have a bunch of banana bread and chocolate zucchini muffins in our freezer that have been calling my name recently), frozen yogurt, sweet cereals, Jello, and on and on and on. I am also going to throw protein bars and peanut butter and jelly (or honey) sandwiches into the mix.
    Water, water, water! Lol… I will be drinking lots of water. In fact, it will be my only beverage, other than the small portion of orange juice I need to take with one of my daily medications, and an occasional serving of milk.
    And I will, of course, be doing everything in my power to stay within my calories.

In addition to these “rules”, I will also be changing up my exercise from what I had planned at the beginning of June. I am now officially in training mode for my very first 5k, which I will be running on July 22nd. My goal with that is to use a modified Couch to 5k schedule, and run every other day. On my off days, I will be doing some toning and core workouts, most likely from the TurboFire series.

I am super excited about finally committing to this 5k… And getting away from doubting myself and my abilities. In fact, tonight was training run number two and it went fantastically! I ran the furthest distance I have probably ever run (0.3 miles, lol), AND a good portion of it was uphill! Yep, my lungs felt like bursting when I finally finished, but I was determined to run that entire hill!

And, for the record, Zeeva absolutely LOVES it when I run. She says she is flying! Lol. And pushing a stroller while running is no joke… Talk about a full-body workout! My arms ache!

“If you think you can, you will. If you think you can’t, you won’t.”

Weigh-In Tuesday…

Weigh-In Tuesday…

I am rather confused. I have not been eating real great the past few days and I have not had a real exercise session in a week or so, ever since my daughter got sick. (She seems to be finally more like herself today, by the way!) I decided to weigh myself this morning, to keep myself accountable. Even though I had pizza for dinner last night. Lol. And here is the crazy thing… I somehow managed to maintain my weight EXACTLY from my last weigh-in. I am very confused by that. And I do not really see how that is possible. The even stranger part is that I can tell that I am seriously retaining water today. So, in reality, it is likely that I actually lost weight this week.

Yep, I am very confused. But I will take it! Since I have been doing so poorly lately, I have decided that I need to set some new goals for the next week to help get myself back in track.

    WATER! I have been doing HORRIBLY with my water intake for the past week or so. It started because I was drinking other things, in an attempt to get Zeeva to drink something when she was sick. She had a fever for four straight days and rarely drank anything. We finally turned to Popsicles, which helped. But I was drinking anything and everything in an attempt to get her interested.
    Stay within my calories! The past few days have been extra hard on this. I have gotten into some bad habits too, like not measuring out my food. That stops today.
    Make better food choices. Just because I have the calories for frozen yogurt every night, this does not mean that I need to be consuming such empty calories on a regular basis… And my bank account will thank me for not doing this too! My goal is to skip dessert for the next week.
    Exercise! I need to do something… I am just not entirely sure what. I am doing a modified version of Couch to 5k right now, for sure. And I was doing TurboFire. But I am not sure that my foot can handle the cardio workouts on that program until I can get some new cross-training shoes. So I may just do some toning workouts on my days off of Couch to 5k.

I was going very strong for the first week of June on hitting my mileage goal for the month. It is going to be harder now, since I had so many days off… But I am still determined to do it! I am currently at 160.1 pounds. My goal for next week’s weigh-in is to be back in the 150s. I was able to maintain being in the 150s for more than six months… I do not like that I creeped back up into the next decade two weeks ago!

To Run or Not To Run…

To Run or Not To Run…

Back in December, I was gung-ho about training to run a 5k. I got some awesome running shoes and had worked out my schedule and everything. We are going to visit my brother-in-law and his wife in Minneapolis for the first time this summer and she is a runner, and I even mentioned that maybe we could do a 5k together on our trip.

Fast forward several months… I ran inside on a fairly regular basis for about a month, then tapered off. Then, when it finally started getting warm here, my hubby and I decided to start over on Couch to 5k outdoors, since we had been doing it indoors. Talk about a reality shock… It is so much harder to run outside than inside! After a few attempts, we (mostly me) gave up.

This weekend, we Skyped with my brother-in-law and his wife to catch up and to discuss some details of our trip… And she mentioned running the 5k. He even said he would watch Zeeva by himself if we both wanted to run in it. EEK! Lol… That got my insecurities buzzing like crazy! Me, run a 5k?? Like, for real?? And train to do it within less than a month and a half?? Ummmmm… Maybe not!

But then I got to thinking about it last night. I thought about how my foot has been bothering me, and it seems to be related to TurboFire (I think it is the side motions) and needing new workout shoes. I thought about how I am not at all happy with where I am at physically right now… Or mentally, for that matter. I thought about how I really feel like I have let myself down the past few months… I feel like I have been talking a big talk and making all these plans, but I have not been following through with them like I intended.

So here is what I decided… I am going to train for the 5k. I am going to see how the training goes and how my foot handles it. And, if I do end up doing the race, I am not going to best myself up if I am not able to run the entire thing. Because, if I do it, just the act of even signing up and being willing to participate in a 5k in the first place is a huge hurtle for me… And completing it, no matter how long it takes, would be a huge accomplishment!

But no pressure. ;o)

———-

Update: We got out and did our first training run this morning! It went a lot better than I was expecting it to. I ran slower than I have in the past and I think that, combined with the upped cardio that I have been doing with TurboFire, really helped me to be able to go longer. And, by longer, I mean I was able to run more than 1/10th of a mile at a time. Lol! Hey, I have a long way to go but I think I will be able to get there! I also was able to walk, then run, then walk, then run, etc, for the entire time we were out. In the past, I have only run a couple of sections before giving up and saying it was too hard. So I am proud of myself!

Thank you to my sister-in-law for reminding me of my “great” idea to run a 5k with you! ;o)

To The Library And Beyond!

To The Library And Beyond!

Today started out great… Zeeva actually let us sleep until a decent hour this morning and then was super psyched to go to the library for toddler story time. She was so psyched, in fact, that she refused to even touch breakfast or drink anything… And she flipped out when I insisted that I needed to eat breakfast. She let me eat in peace when I promised to be quick and we ended up out the door within twenty minutes of waking up… I do believe that is by far a record in our house! She was great at the library… She let me glance at the DVDs and then we picked out her books and she listened to me the whole time. She was extra shy during play time, and I ended up holding her like half the time (which is a workout in itself!), but she had a blast. She even ate a snack in the car on the way home. She was so very good, in fact, that I decided to stop at the grocery store to pick up a couple of very quick items. I even let her ride in the big part of the cart. And she was very good about not touching things and sitting down when I told her to do so. All this easy cooperation from her should have spelled impending doom to me, but I failed to see it coming.

Fast forward to time to go back in the car. I could not get her in her carseat. I would put her in and she would jump back out before I could even get her arm through one strap. I even tried pinning her down (as gently as humanly possible when you have a shockingly strong toddler fighting against you) and it was not even remotely possible. I ended up closing the door after five minutes and leaving her in the car, while I tried to not scream regain my composure. I seriously had no clue what I was going to do. Mind you, we live literally a minute’s drive away from the grocery store. We could easily walk there, but it sits at the corner of two very busy streets with no sidewalks, so that would just be asking for trouble. So it is not like I was asking her to endure an hour drive or something. Nope, she just wanted to climb up into the front seat and “drive” the car. ***rolls eyes*** After a few minutes, I decided to try again. She fought me a littler bit when I first tried to pick her up but she was fine once I actually put her in her seat. I think she knew she had gone too far.

I will admit, it took me a while to get over this incident. I was in a very bad mood for the next hour or two. As my husband can probably attest to. Lol. And all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball while Zeeva napped, and take a long nap myself. I was sick last week and I have had a hard time recovering my energy. But I promised myself that I would not nap today, so I relaxed instead.

After Zeeva woke up from her nap, it was time to get moving — literally. We took a 2.76 mile walk around our neighborhood, during which Zeeva hardly fussed at all. We stayed entertained by singing some songs… Which, I have to say, can start to get pretty tricky when you are trying to walk fast while pushing a stroller! When we got back to the house, Zeeva played with our neighbor’s grandson for a few minutes (actually, she played with his car. Lol… She totally has ulterior motives for wanting to go visit him!), and it was time for mommy to work out. On the schedule for today was a TurboFire Toning workout and a Fire workout. And I was actually able to do them both! This is the first time since being sick that I have been able to do a real cardio workout. And it is the first time since I hurt my foot last week that I have been able to do a full workout, without much regard to the jumping or anything like that. So I felt absolutely great!

After Zeeva went to bed, she had a bit of meltdown. And that is putting it lightly. It was a pretty stressful situation. And then I had to run back to that stupid grocery store again for something we needed. Talk about a pain! I had to go down the ice cream aisle while I was there… For those of you who do not know, I have a real issue with ice cream. I can easily down a pint in one sitting. It calls my name. And it was definitely doing that tonight. I literally stood in front of that ice cream case for five minutes, looking at all the different flavors and the different calorie counts, especially on the new Ben & Jerry’s flavors. I contemplated getting one, thinking about the stresses that I had with Zeeva today. I had enough calories left for a serving. But would I stop at one serving? And then I transferred my attention to the little, itty, bitty cups. But none of those flavors sounded very good to me. So I forced myself to walk on to the checkout… Where I saw Peanut M&Ms, another kryptonite of mine. I quickly decided they were not worth the calories, but looked at the information on all the other candy bars, just in case. Lol! But I kept thinking about all the hard work I put in today and the 107 minutes of exercise I did and the 13,462 steps I walked (including during my workouts).

And then I saw a Skinny Cow selection… Which I had way more than enough calories to allow. And I got it. Healthy? Not exactly. But it is a much better choice than anything else I looked at. And I fully believe that it is ok to have a little treat every now and then. So far, I have not eaten it. I may. Or I may save it for a rainy day, for when chocolate is calling my name. It could save me from running out and making a huge calorie mistake!

So, go ahead and say it… Longest blog post EVER! Lol… Sorry about that! But I had some things to say! And I had to fill you in on how my day truly went, so you could get a sense of why the ice cream was so badly calling my name. I hope you are able to avoid some bad choices equally as well!