Monthly Archives: March 2013

Just Keeping It Real…

Just Keeping It Real…

Ugh… I am so not proud of myself right now. I have eaten HORRIBLY for the past week or so. I have lost count how many days, that is how far off track I have gotten. I am disgusted with myself. I do not even have any “reasonable” excuses. I just caved to temptation again and again and again. And, on top of not eating good at all, I have not had enough water, so my body is screaming at me right now.

I am done beating myself up over it though. I messed up royally. I know that. There is also not a single thing I can do to change what I have done. Being mad at myself and beating myself up are only going to accomplish one thing… Making me depressed. And that is definitely not somewhere I want to be. So I am just moving on. Tomorrow is a brand new day. Heck… Tomorrow is a brand new MONTH! So here is my plan for April:

First of all, I am going to weigh myself tomorrow morning. Do not worry… I am not going to look at the weight. I am still not doing that until at least the first day of summer. (If you have no clue what I am talking about, check out this post!) But I do feel like I need to weigh myself and let my Wii record my weight, so when I am “allowed” to look again, I can look back and see the damage I did this past week or so. I need to be accountable. In fact, I am now going to weigh myself every week, just like that, for this very reason… I need to stay accountable to myself.

Secondly, I am going to drink WATER! Especially for the next few days… I need extra right now to help flush some of the craziness out of my system. I am also having some crazy allergy stuff going on today, so I really need the extra fluids. (My nose is red from blowing it so much!)

Third… I am going to continue with the Turbo Fire and ChaLEAN Extreme combination I have been doing. I have liked it so far (although switching DVDs can get a bit confusing!), and I am excited to see how far it brings me. I have actually been doing pretty good with my exercise for the past week or two, despite the horrible food choices. I just need to stick with ALL of my workouts, not just the ones I actually “want” to do!

Fourth… NO fast food! I normally do not even like fast food. But I have eaten fries at least three times in the past week! BLECK! I do not even really like fries. What in the world is wrong with me??! So no fast food! And MUCH better food choices! I will be staying within my calories every day, and will allow myself ONE treat meal when I go out for a date with my husband. (By the way, I recently have heard the phrase “treat meal” instead of “cheat meal” from several different sources. I love this!)

And finally, the last thing I am going to focus on this month really does not have a lot to do with my weight loss. I need to focus on myself and using the gifts God has given me and knowing that I am good enough. I have a blog post planned about this whole topic so keep an eye out for it!

My Thirty-First Birthday!

My Thirty-First Birthday!

Today is my thirty-first birthday. Happy birthday to me! Lol! I had so many plans for today… Even though I already had my actual birthday celebration, I had many plans for today. I was going to exercise my butt off… That was going to be my birthday present to myself. I was going to build a snowman with Zeeva (and yes, it is very depressing to say that there is snow on the ground on my birthday!). I was going to take some new pictures with Zeeva. I was going to take a nice, long bath to relax. And I was going to cook an amazing dinner.

Unfortunately, the only piece of that which I was actually able to accomplish was the bath. Why, you ask? Because I woke up sick this morning. Pukey sick. Thomas joined me a few hours later. Thankfully, Zeeva seems to be fine (in fact, she was a bit TOO fine today, as in way too active and drove me nuts). I am finally starting to feel a bit better (as is Thomas), but I am bummed that my day did not turn out nearly like I had planned. I am praying that we all feel better tomorrow so we can make up for today!

I have something else to share too.. I have been working on this for about a week now. I, like many people, am signed up for the clubs that many restaurants offer, in order to get an occasional discount. I used to be excited around birthdays and anniversaries, because it was always fun to see what kinds of offers would roll into my inbox. I would not use them all, but it was always nice to have choices and ways to save some money. This time around, I did not use a single discount that came my way… And I got a LOT of them. Thirteen to be exact! Even though I did not use them, I did decide to save them in my email so I could keep a tally. I went through and figured out exactly how many calories each dish would have been… And then I added them all up.

If I had used every coupon that came into my inbox, I would have consumed between 8,186 and 11,196 calories! The low end is if I had shared some if the appetizers and desserts (which is likely). The high end was if I was a major pig and ate every morsel by myself. And neither of those numbers includes the other food items I would consume while in the restaurants… Main meals, free bread, salad… It would all add up to a LOT more calories than just the freebies! Would I have saved a bunch of money? Sure! Would it have been worth it? Absolutely not.

Happy birthday to me!

My “Big News” Post…

My “Big News” Post…

I have really been struggling lately, watching my weight go up and down, up and down, always over the same three to five pounds. And thinking that I will have huge amounts of inches lost, only to be disappointed at my monthly measurements. Even though I can see some changes happening in my pictures, my clothes do not feel any different and all of my measurements do not reflect these changes. So I have really been feeling discouraged. Couple this with the general stress of raising a two-year-old and a few other life things, and I really have had a bad few days of eating. Confession… I have probably consumed more chocolate in the past week than I had in the almost three months since Christmas combined! Not good. Not good at all!

So I have been mulling over an idea in my head. I really need to learn how to focus less on the scale and my measurements and more on how I feel… How I feel inside, and outside, and learning to really love myself and ignore the numbers. I have come up with a challenge for myself. I am calling it the Spring Forward Challenge because it will take place through ALL of Spring and will be a time of me focusing on leaping forward in many areas of my life. I am sick of being stuck in a rut. I am sick of feeling down. I am sick of not focusing on the awesome things in life. And that is how the Spring Forward Challenge began.

Jessii’s Spring Forward Challenge

  • Complete the official Hybrid of Turbo Fire and ChaLEAN Extreme. **this is actually a 120 day program, so I will not finish this until August 4th.
  • No weighing myself until AT LEAST June 21, the first day of summer. **I am probably still going to weigh myself weekly but not look at it. Thomas will record it for me so I can see my results at the end. I also may not weigh myself until the end of the 120 day exercise program.
  • No measuring myself until the first day of summer, with the same stipulations as weighing myself.
  • No soda.
  • Pictures every four weeks, which I will post on here to stay accountable with my progress.
  • Couch to 5k program with my husband
  • Drink at least four bottles of water a day, which is 96 ounces.
  • Eat as well as possible, with as little processed food as my budget will allow.
  • Make wise choices about sweets and determine if it is really worth it.
  • Eat out once a month, at the most.
  • Stick to a grocery budget.
  • Spend real time with God every day — prayer, praise and worship, Bible reading, devotional — whatever I feel led to do during my time with Him. I just need to actually make the time.
  • Church every Sunday.
  • Figure out how to make a budget for an income that fluctuates a bit.
  • Take Zeeva to Toddler Story Time at the library every Tuesday morning that they meet, as long as we are healthy.
  • Mommy and Me Group with Zeeva twice a month, even if I am tired.
  • Less time in front of the television.
  • Be more intentional in my marriage.
  • Do fun activities with Zeeva more.
  • Take daily walks as a family outside whenever possible.
  • Finish two paintings.
  • Sew at least one thing, using some of the fabric that I already have stored up.

  • There you have it… My list so far. Some of the items are very specific, while others are less specific because I honestly do not know what they will end up looking like. I just know that these are all areas that I need to be working on. These are all things that will help me better myself and be happier in life. And I am sure that I will end up finding other things to add to the list as I think more about it and delve deeper into this.

    A Zeeva First…

    A Zeeva First…

    Today was a first for Zeeva… We went to the library today! Let me give you some background first on why we waited so long to do this. In August, I thought I would try to get Zeeva involved in some activities, so we tried a gymnastics class. The class itself was fine… Zeeva was not. She fought me the entire time. By the end of the class, I felt like I had just finished a super intense workout just from having to hold her back so she could wait her turn. I was actually sore for a few days from it! Yes, I know that she would have probably eventually been fine. But it was just too much for me at the time. And to top it all off, Zeeva and I BOTH ended up getting Hand, Foot and Mouth disease a few days later. It was possibly contracted somewhere else, but that seemed a likely source. So we crossed gymnastics off our list, at least for the time being.

    Fast forward a few months… I found out that there was a toddler story time at my local library every week. In fact, they have two different times to choose from. Unfortunately, I discovered this right in time for them to take a month-long break for Christmas. And when they did come back, I was really nervous to bring Zeeva because I did not know what to expect with her behavior. I did not know if I would be able to handle her by myself in the library. In other words, I was chicken.

    But today I overcame my fears! We made it to the toddler story time! Which actually ended up being so much more than just a story time… There was a sand table, coloring, PlayDoh, dress up clothing, Legos, and a platform area that was for running and jumping. At least, that was how the kids used it! Then we had the story time, which also included several songs and rhymes, plus three books. Then we had a small snack (Zeeva ate her very first Fruit Loops!) and did a craft session. they made macaroni necklaces. Zeeva was not interested so she just ran some more and played dress up with another little girl. Lol… This girl was four and fascinated with Zeeva! She kept trying to get her to put the clothes on, but Zeeva would not do it. But Zeeva followed her everywhere she went. Very cute!

    After all of that, we perused the movie section and borrowed two DVDs to watch at home. I carefully chose one and then Zeeva just grabbed one really fast as we were leaving the section. Lol! She thought for sure I would take it away!

    So today was a success! Zeeva was very well behaved in the library (other than trying to run away from me when I started checking out). She did not melt down at all, until we got home, but I think that was because she was hungry. And we now have the materials to make her necklace this afternoon too, so that will be fun! I am so glad that I finally stepped out of my comfort zone and made it to story time! One of the other moms said that she had tried it at several different libraries and that this one was by far the best. So we made a good choice!

    I am planning on adding this to our weekly routine… I think we will both come to look forward to it. :o)

    And, on a side note, I did not win my DietBet. I ended up gaining 1.7 pounds this week. I am trying to not feel too discouraged though… I am pretty sure that most of it is actually water weight from basically restarting my exercise routine after being sick and not working out for so long. I actually lost 0.9 pounds just between today and yesterday, which helps to verify my thoughts on this.

    All About Today…

    All About Today…

    Creative title, I know! ;o)

    Well, today has been interesting. An odd mixture of things, I would say. I really dislike the start of Daylight Saving Time (is it with or without an “s”? I googled it and saw it both ways). Anyway, it is hard enough to adjust as an adult. But to be a toddler and not understand why nap and bed are earlier than you are used to… Well, that is just a joyous occasion to witness! ;o) But I am getting ahead of myself.

    We woke up late this morning, plus Thomas was still sick this morning, and I woke up with a throbbing earache, so we (once again) missed church. I HATE that we miss so much. I really do. I am saying right now that we ARE GOING next week! Thankfully, Zeeva was pretty good this morning and we both were feeling quite a bit better by this afternoon. I am praying for an awesome night’s sleep tonight so we can both get fully heathy again. Zeeva has not been sleeping well lately and has been waking up many times during the night. It does not matter how deep your sleep is… If you are woken up every hour or two, you are never going to feel rested! She decided to play today instead of taking a nap (I blame DST!), and only ended up sleeping for about 45 minutes, so I am really hoping she will sleep great. She also got into a bunch of mischief during her nap time so I hope she does not decide to do that again! Thomas peeked in to check on her at one point, only to find that she was taking a “nap” in one of her dresser drawers. Talk about a terrifying moment! Thankfully, her dresser is short and heavy and unlikely to tip over but we definitely need to attach the anchor straps we bought recently. The cute thing about this was that she had put three of her stuffies in two of the drawers, so they could take “naps” with her! Lol! I love that she has started to do some of that pretend play. It is so fun to watch.

    The rest of the day was fine… Zeeva ate more salad than mac and cheese at dinner! Woohoo! I even gave her a bowl of it just for herself this time because she keeps stealing it from everyone else. As bedtime drew near though, we could tell she was getting tired… Fussiness for no apparent reason, and she threw a complete fit when it was time to get ready for bed. Oh well!

    I almost forgot to share the BIG news! After lunch, Zeeva ran up to me with her Dolly’s potty, yelling “Pee! Pee! Pee!”! So we ran to the bathroom, where she sat on her froggy potty for quite a while. Then she wanted to try to real toilet… Ad she actually peed a tiny bit in it! We had several more bathroom runs throughout the day, but no more successes. But I am so proud of her for actually letting us know! I think she was actually peeing in her diaper every time she told me that because it was wet each time I took it off. I may put her in undies tomorrow. We shall see.

    Speaking of tomorrow… I am scared to weigh myself! I have not done too badly today with eating and I have gotten a little activity in so far (Just Dance), but I am still scared to see my weight. It is what it is, I suppose! Wish me luck!

    Weigh-In Monday…

    Weigh-In Monday…

    Today is Weigh-In Monday, and I really should be celebrating. This morning,I reached my all-time lowest weight ever while on this weight-loss journey. I lost another 1.5 pounds, which puts me at 154.1 pounds. I have now lost 63.7 pounds since I began this journey in September 2011…. That is amazing! And I have lost 5.7 pounds in just the past three weeks!! I seriously have not had a streak like this since I first began my journey! I really am ecstatic about it!

    It is really hard to want to celebrate today though. I am going on day SIX of having some sort of stomach bug and I am completely exhausted. It is sooooo much harder to be sick when you have a two-year-old. Especially when your awesome hubby has to work insane hours every day because of the projects he is currently working on. He has helped when he can, but I have really tried not to bug him too much because I know he is already completely swamped and a bit stressed out. Neither of us would win a parent of the year award for the past week. Zeeva has been incredibly hard to deal with over the past week and me being sick just adds to the stress. So I am REALLY praying that I start feeling better soon! I am so incredibly sick of this… We are all three sick of this! Thankfully, no one else has been affected. We are even having my family over tonight to celebrate my sister’s boyfriend’s birthday. (Do not worry, I promise not to sneeze all over the cake and give everyone my germs!) It will be nice to have a change of pace and some relief from Zeeva duty.

    I now have seven days to lose 0.7 pounds for my DietBet. I am feeling pretty confident that I will win my portion, whatever it may be!

    My Mommy Confession…

    My Mommy Confession…

    I have not had a “real” post in quite a while. They have all really been focused on my weight loss. So here goes.

    I have not felt like a very good mom lately. I am not saying this in an attempt to get all the “your a great mom” comments… I am saying this because it is how I feel. And I really feel like it is true. I have been super emotional, easily angered, grouchy, and not very much fun to be around at all. Bless my husband for putting up with me! I do not know what my problem has been, but it feels completely uncontrollable a lot of the time. I just melt down. I need to get a grip on it before I go completely insane.

    I am putting this out here for one simple reason… Accountability. Just like with weight loss, I need to be accountable in this. I need to play with my daughter more. I need to get her outside more. I need to turn off the tv more. I need to get out of the house with her more! It is not healthy for us to be cooped up in the same place, day in and day out. I am so glad that spring is almost here… I am looking forward to being able to do some fun outdoor activities with her.

    So, I have devised a plan, just like I do when I am struggling with my weight loss. It is just a partial plan, but it is better than nothing! Sundays are church… We all need that. And we need to attend a lot more often than we have been! Tuesdays are story time at the library. Every other Thursday is a new mommy & me group I just recently found out about that meets five minutes from my house. I could not ask for a closer meeting than that! And the great thing about that is, Zeeva will get two hours of play time with other kiddos and I will get some “me” time. We will hopefully be starting up her speech therapy soon too, which will give her another thing to add to her schedule. And, while I am at it, I am going to go ahead and say that, as long as everyone is healthy and the weather is good, we are going to get outside every day after Zeeva’s nap (or before lunch, one it starts getting a lot warmer). Even a few minutes outside will do us all a world of good!

    So there you have it… My mommy confession and gameplan for the future! I could definitely use some extra prayers for patience and energy and joy and anything else you can think of!