Today was grocery shopping day. Grocery shopping for me can pretty much be summed up in one word — stressful. Not because we can’t afford groceries. Not because Zeeva screams the whole time (to her credit, Zeeva actually loves to go shopping and is rarely fussy, especially now that she is big enough to sit up in the cart basket). Nope, shopping is stressful for me for two very specific reasons…
The first reason actually lies in making the list — coming up with meals is not a forte of mine and my hubby. We tend to eat the same things over and over, which tends to drive me crazy after a while. And Zeeva isn’t usually the most cooperative about being patient while I cook dinner, so it’s hard for me to want to get ingredients for real meals instead of the easy meals (like hot dogs and frozen pizzas, which are not exactly healthy). Any awesome recipe ideas would be greatly appreciated at this time. :o)
The second thing that stresses me out about grocery shopping is the little voice in my head, tempting me with every step that I take. While I love cookies, cakes and brownies, I am generally able to resist them in the supermarket. My downfalls are the ice cream aisle and the checkout lane. For the first three-quarters of my trip, Ben & Jerry’s calls my name. Yep, it’s not even the cheap stuff that I crave. It’s the expensive kind that comes in that cute little pint-sized container that I can and DO polish off in one sitting. I am able to pass by the ice cream aisle without incident probably a good 90% of the time. After I bolster up my reserves and walk past the ice cream aisle empty-handed and do a little cheer to congratulate myself, my mind instantly floats to all the goodies in the checkout lane. Especially the peanut M&M’s. They have peanuts in them so they’re better for me, right? And the regular sized one isn’t as good a deal as the king sized, so I better get the bigger size (which they now call the “share size”, as if anyone ever actually shares them!).
There you have it in a nut shell. Or maybe it’s in a M&M shell. ;o) Whichever it is, I am declaring on here that I am determined to avoid both the ice cream aisle and the evil candy in the checkout lanes (and the cookies, cakes and brownies!) for the whole month of September. To be completely honest, this was something I really wanted to do during the month of August, but I got derailed about 6 days into my journey. But I am even more determined to do it this time and Thomas is behind me and I have some other encouragement (which I will talk about in a future post) that I think will really help.
So wish me luck! And if you see me venturing down the ice cream aisle, remind me to step away from the Ben & Jerry’s!
It is so hard to stay on track with a new project sometimes… finding the motivation and inspiration to push through the laziness or fear or tiredness or procrastination or a million other things that can hold you back. For instance, I am a graphic designer but it has been over a year since I really used my skills and a least of couple of years since I used them on a regular basis. So sitting down at my computer today to try to come up with a design plan felt a bit daunting. In fact, it was slightly terrifying. What if I can’t come up with anything good? What if I like it but my husband, who is also a graphic designer, hates it?! What if I never actually start this project that I’ve started? As someone who is always the first to put herself down, these were not hard thoughts to come up with. The hard part is pushing the thoughts out of my head. As I sit here eating a bag of baby carrots (trying to make up for the ice cream that I ate last night!), I have come to the conclusion that I need to quit being so hard on myself. Yes, the house isn’t as clean as I would like it. But I do play with Zeeva all day, which is a whole job in itself and is very important to her. Even after 9 1/2 months, I still haven’t figured out that balance between spending time with Zeeva, keeping a clean home, and still having some relaxing “me” time. But I know that I will eventually get there, just like I will eventually figure out the perfect balance to reach and maintain my ideal body type, just like I know I will eventually get where I want to with this blog. I can’t expect it all to just fall into place as soon as I want it to. That would be pretty cool if it could but life just doesn’t work that way. And I have to learn to be ok with that…
Facebook has a recently added feature that show you posts from the current day in previous years. It’s funny to read them sometimes and see what kind of changes have occurred in life…
On this day in 2010: “It’s official… 3rd trimester!!! :o) So excited! And the baby shower’s this Saturday, which makes it even more exciting!”
On this day in 2009: “A 2 hour float in the pool and 1/2 hour nap drying off in the sun… what a wonderful way to spend a Sunday afternoon!!”
I can’t believe that Zeeva was still forming a year ago. It seems like we’ve always had her! And, while I may wish at times that I still had the freedom to spend 2 1/2 hours floating away in the pool and napping in the sun, as I watch my daughter standing next to the fireplace, banging an empty bottle against the bricks, I know that I wouldn’t change anything. Even on days like today when she is getting into mischief left and right and refused to eat her baby food at lunch AND dinner, I know that it’s all worth it. Her squeals of joy when I tickle her neck with a Kleenex make it all worth it.
Pretty deep insight from a couple of old Facebook posts, huh?
“Pints of ice cream. Large frozen pizzas. Ordering meals with the most food. Stuffing myself. Snacks. Eating without hunger. Starting over… tomorrow will be better. I will be healthier next week. This mentality brought me to obesity. Consuming so much that I can’t move is the problem.”
This is a quote I came across today on a weight-loss blog that I stumbled upon. And I have to admit to the world that I can definitely relate to it. Pints of ice cream? Check. (In fact, I just had one a few hours ago! Ben & Jerry’s is my downfall!) Stuffing myself? Check. Snacks? Check. Eating without hunger? Check. Starting over is a big one for me… This is my last night of bad food, I am going to start eating better first thing in the morning. Or, I am starting a new life as soon as this weekend is over so I have to stuff myself with all the “good” (aka horrible for me!) food for the next few days. Or, I will be healthier as soon as the new year starts because this year is already a complete loss! This mentality has definitely brought me to obesity! And I am completely sick of it.
A bit of background about myself… I have been overweight 98% of my life. I have lost a significant amount of weight several times, starting with my senior year in high school, only to gain it back at an alarming rate. I only remember being comfortable in my own skin for about 1-2 years out of the past 20 or so. I desperately want to change that. I want to feel comfortable, not bloated. I want to feel fit, not gross. And I now have the ultimate motivation to do something about this all. You see, on November 3, 2010, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl ever. She is also the silliest baby that God ever made and is constantly putting a smile on my face, even when I am in a horrible mood. After 9 months of ignoring the fact that I had gestational diabetes and am pre-diabetic and have PCOS, 9 months of basically eating whatever I wanted, 9 months of gaining more weight than I did during the 9 months that I was PREGNANT… I have finally had enough. I am sick of myself, sick of what I am doing to my body and my health, sick of the role model I am being for Zeeva.
So I am turning over a new leaf. I plan to start a new chapter in my life, a LONG chapter, a never ending chapter, one that I plan on continuing for the rest of my life. I don’t know exactly what that chapter will look like but I do know that it will involve better choices, less Ben & Jerry’s, feeling happier with myself, and doing things not just for myself but for my wonderful husband and beautiful baby girl as well.
More details to follow in the coming posts!
Warning: The blog you are about to become immersed in will contain all sorts of random elements posted by its creator. For the people who know its creator (aka Jessii), this will not come as a surprise. For those of you who have never had the privilege of meeting said creator, you may be shocked by exactly how eclectic and random she can be. But do not be afraid of the randomness, for only good comes from it. And remember, there is never a dull moment here, where life meets randomness…
All joking aside though, this is a new project I thought I would start up, kind of a way for me to interact a bit more with the world and to keep me more accountable on some things. As stated above, there will be a plethora of subjects here… a real hodgepodge, if you will. ;o) And yes, I like smiley faces and exclamation points, so get ready! Here is an array of topics that I anticipate delving into during the next few months…
- weight loss
- all things Zeeva
- recipe hits and misses
- art and sewing projects
- random things about myself (possibly entering into the TMI realm… sorry in advance!)
And who knows what else I will come up with… and I might even not talk about a single thing on this list. Unlikely but possible! So feel free to leave if you want to, but I would love to have you share a piece of my life with me!